Sexual Character: Core Beliefs
As we seek to get needs met according to our values, our beliefs will form the road map for how we live our lives. Children absorb fundamental and often unarticulated beliefs from what they see modeled in the lives of parents. Such beliefs become so second nature to us that we may be unaware of what they are. For many of us, we only understand these basic beliefs during times of crisis because our way of understanding the world is not working. In such times, God may reveal our core beliefs and the ways they are failing us, including such distorted beliefs as
- I am acceptable to God only if I am good in every way.
- Life should be easy, fair, peaceful, and happy.
- God wants to meet my every need perfectly, so if life is tough, it must be because of my sin and defective faith.
- Good Christians do not feel angry, fearful, or down.
- I should hide my imperfections so I do not disgrace God.
- I must have what I want.
In contrast, the Bible teaches important core beliefs God longs for us and our children to embrace. Here are some examples of proper beliefs about relationships and sexuality that we will want to pass on to our children:
They are loved. We teach our children that they are loved by speaking of and acting on our love.
Their choices matter and make a difference. We must teach our children that they are responsible for their actions and for the consequences produced by their actions. One way to do this is to respect our children by letting them make their choices and then letting them live with the consequences, which may either be positive outcomes (like our praise) or negative outcomes (like criticism and punishment).
The goal of life is not necessarily to be happy but to love God and to become “good” in the way God intended. People who regard happiness as their most basic goal may sacrifice their virtue to attain it. We want to teach our kids through our words and deeds that love of God, demonstrated concretely in our behavior, is more important that the pursuit of happiness itself, and that the joy and contentment that follows is the best form of happiness we can attain.
They are children of God, made in his image, and their sexuality is his gift to them, a gift meant to serve beautiful and wonderful purposes. Rather than presenting sexuality as an occasion for sin or a cross to bear, we can teach our children how to treasure and use their sexuality for godly purposes.
God’s law is a trustworthy guide for living in the area of sexuality and in every area of life. We aspire to help our children realize that those whose “delight is in the law of the Lord” is blessed in every way (Psalm 1:2-3), including in the area of sexuality.
Some content taken from HOW AND WHEN TO TELL YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX, by Stan and Brenna Jones. Copyright © 1993, 2007, 2019. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. To purchase books in the GOD’S DESIGN FOR SEX book series, go to https://www.navpress.com.
