Sexual Character: Supports
What people do, and indeed who people are, is strongly influenced by their environment. The scientific research on sexual behavior of adolescents has found two other powerful predictors of whether a teen will be sexually active: (1) what that teen’s peers are doing, and (2) parental presence.
Keep Good Company
The Bible recognizes that “bad company ruins good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Conversely, and more positively, good influences will help us be good people. The New Testament authors strongly encourage shaping the interpersonal environments in which we live as Christians with that in mind (Colossians 3:12-17 is one of many New Testament passages urging us to manifest godly behavior in our relationships).
The family environment. Have you created a family environment of love, respect, listening, affirmation, humor, and support? A close, supportive relationship with the parent becomes a support that contributes to who a child becomes. Additionally, a supportive family helps to meet a child’s critical needs and reinforces proper values, beliefs, and important skills.
The consistent presence of parents in the home by itself serves as an accountability factor governing and shaping the behavior of children. Children who spend a lot of time independent of parents (the proverbial “latchkey kids”) have no such accountability.
The peer environment. Peers powerfully shape a child’s environment. Sexually active peers put pressure on a teen to follow suit. Because you care for your children, respectfully try to influence their choice of friends. We can encourage some friendships and discourage others, though we need to be cautious lest we manipulate our children or interfere in an inappropriate way. Also, as best you can, channel your children’s peer groups into constructive activities as opposed to destructive pursuits. Find a church and youth-group environment that is rewarding, healthy, supportive, and fun.
Train Kids to Shape Their Environments
We can actively train kids to recognize high-risk situations, discern how to avoid them or get out of them early, and develop the skills needed to deal effectively with such situations. Emma could have benefited from knowing that after-dark bus rides can be pressure situations, knowing how to negotiate limits on relationships early, and having thought through how to resist sexual pressure. For children to do this, they must develop an understanding of their own limits and of how to compensate for areas where they lack strength.
Your child’s needs, values, beliefs, skills, and supports are the main elements of his or her character. Shaping these facets of character as God would desire is among the greatest gifts you can give your child.
Despite the vital importance of parental influence, your child will still be responsible for his or her choices; after all, that is what it means to be a human being. As one writer put it, “The human person is a moral being as such. . . . To be human is to be a moral agent. . . . [The] great drama of any life is the struggle to surrender the ‘person-I-am’ to the ‘person-I-ought-to-be.’” You shape, but your child decides. We continually return to this idea of shaping each of these facets of character as we move forward.
Some content taken from HOW AND WHEN TO TELL YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX, by Stan and Brenna Jones. Copyright © 1993, 2007, 2019. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. To purchase books in the GOD’S DESIGN FOR SEX book series, go to https://www.navpress.com.
