Shaping Sexual Character: The Big Picture

Think of your child’s character as composed by or built upon needs, values, beliefs, skills, and supports. In the diagram, we portray needs as our guts or our “bowels” (to use a biblical metaphor). Our values form our hearts. Our core beliefs constitute the mind of our character. Our skills are our bones and muscles by which we act. Our supports help us push back against the challenges that come at us.

What does a long-distance runner require in training to excel?

Her basic needs as an athlete must be met—proper sleep, good nutrition, time for practice, and so forth.

She must have values that support her efforts, such as a desire to impress a boy she likes (perhaps a shallow value) or to enhance her ability to witness for Christ.

She must have core beliefs that support her endeavors, such as “I can excel at this sport,” “I can trust the guidance I get from my coach,” and so forth.

She needs mental skills, such as knowing how to pace herself, how to develop a strategy for a race, and how much and when to practice. She also needs embodied physical abilities, such as the muscle memory of numerous races or the ability to catch herself when she is off-balance.

She needs supports like a track-meet roommate who cooperates in getting good sleep instead of partying, good coaching before the race, and supportive family and friends cheering for her as she approaches the finish line.

Now think about needs, values, beliefs, skills, and supports related to godly living. Your children will stand the greatest chance of living a life conforming to God’s will for sexuality if

  • their needs for relatedness and significance are met in the family and in healthy friendships (this is most likely if they themselves understand these needs for what they truly are);
  • they value the right things, namely the things God values;
  • they believe biblically founded perspectives about the meaning and purposes God gave their sexual nature;
  • they have the skills to make good decisions and act on them with strength and confidence; and
  • they have positive supports for making right decisions rather than negative challenges that pull them away from the right path.

Explanations of each of the five aspects of sexual chaacter — needs, values, beliefs, skills, and supports — will pop up as you let your cursor hover over the menu item for this page.

Some content taken from HOW AND WHEN TO TELL YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX, by Stan and Brenna Jones. Copyright © 1993, 2007, 2019. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. To purchase books in the GOD’S DESIGN FOR SEX book series, go to https://www.navpress.com.